[ It comes as no surprise that he hit a nerve. Hiyori is honest enough where it suits him, but the pills he offers can be hard to swallow. He doesn't push the matter, instead stopping in at a local bakery and picking out a cake along his way home. His shoes come off at the door, the cake is set on the counter, and he finds himself taking more time to dry off and change clothes than anything.
He's scrubbing his hair with a towel when he steps out of the door of his apartment onto the balcony, letting it fall to rest on his shoulders. It's a hard pill to swallow, but then he should be more sensitive to that fact. Hiyori didn't get to where he is without loss, not without sacrifice; it was his birthright, but that only meant that he had the advantage of being taught how to break noses and shove people's faces in the dirt, grind them down until nothing was left. Beautiful, intelligent, kind, loved, in love with the idea of love, always giving it up.
He can handle it better though, because he was raised to be stronger than everyone else, because he was taught to hold more love in his heart than anyone.
Such are his thoughts as he goes through the motions, breathing in the cool air. The rain doesn't seem likely to stop anytime soon. He takes the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, removes one, and brights it up to his lips before lighting it. Breathe in, breathe out, and as he exhales he sends smoke up into the air. All that, and then he finally speaks, ]
... Why don't you have a slice of cake? If you heat it up in the microwave, then put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on it, it's that much better.
[ He takes another drag. ]
I bought it, but I don't have much of an appetite today, and so...
You want to give me what you won’t eat? Keep it. I don’t want it.
[ is what saber says the moment that hiyori offers, amber eyes narrowed at the smoking form in the platform. they’re sitting down on the floor of the bedroom in their usual seiza position that they rest in, and their expression is one of annoyance, which highlights what they feel… but not quite. they’re annoyed, sure, but there’s a deeper hurt underneath, like a reopened wound.
the talk of love is painful, bringing forth memories of the love that they gained and lost all too quickly. they think of the world and the people that ototachibanahime had taught them to love, and the gaping hole left when she threw herself into the waters. they could no longer hide behind the veneer of cold indifference upon enacting the atrocities in the name of emperor keiko, because she taught them the value of a life and the beauty of the world.
the weight of their victims and those who sacrificed themselves for them is heavy on their shoulders, but they promised to themselves to carry it without any complaint or reproach. saber promised to themselves to enjoy the world and to protect it… but also that they would never grow close to anyone again.
so for saber to be hurt like this, deep down… ]
I’m not someone who wavers so easily to food! I didn’t imagine that you would consider me that big of a fool.
You'll be no better or worse for refusing. If you're already unhappy, and it does you no harm, you might as well indulge in something or another... I have tea and sake as well, if you would prefer one of those.
[ He lifts his shoulders and lets them drop back down. It doesn't have to be cake, but food is simpler than the world of screens and electronics. He doesn't keep many physical books on hand, and those he does are largely dense textbooks, nothing that a person outside the field would find comprehensible, much less enjoyable. Eating, drinking, smoking, watching, listening - those are simple pleasures.
It tastes worst, looks worse, sounds worse, but it gives the mind something else to focus on all the same. He takes another drag. He's not a smoker, really, not someone who does it out of habit, but it's a part of business and socialization as much as anything else. But every now and again he will on his own, just like now, just on a whim. ]
And you think too little, Hiyori. If you believe that I think too much, know that it is because I’m having to think for the both of us. [ hmph. ] You should be grateful for my kindness and sing my praises.
[ though they say this, there is no real weight or bite to their words. it’s saracasm, obviously, because— come on, hiyori, do you think that they don’t know themselves? if there is one thing that solitude during life has given the servant, it’s the opportunity for self-awareness.
they’re a monster, trying to work double as hard to repent for the countless sins that they committed through life. they’re a free person, refusing to merely be a sword to be wielded by whoever called himself their master. they refuse to be under anyone else’s thumb, including their very own master.
they pull themselves up to their feet, moving to hiyori’s bed where they lay down on their stomach with their head on their crossed arms, pointed towards the young man. ]
Do you have no sense of courtesy? Of course tea and sake are the way to go. [ they huff a breath through their nose, glancing to the side. ]
But I will not drink or eat alone. What is there to enjoy about that?
[ He takes a portable ashtray from his pocket now and flips it open. His free hand plucks the cigarette from his mouth, tapping it against the edge of it to remove the stray ashes before bringing it back to his lips. He doesn't move, but that's more of a consequence of not wanting to drag the smell of smoke inside - it's nearly impossible to get out once one does. ]
The sensations. You can enjoy the warmth of the tea in your hands and the way that it warms your belly, the smell of it, the flavor of it on your tongue; the fluffy texture of cake and the way it melts in your mouth, or whatever it might be. The sight of it, too - food is a pleasure for all five senses.
[ It's a serious answer for a rhetorical question, and no doubt an unwanted one, but he offers it up anyway. It's better with others, though, perhaps the most important tool that humans have for bonding. But these little tangents and unwanted responses are just who he is some days, and it's not long before he adds, ]
You ought to be more honest and say that you don't want to. You get lonely easily.
[ Like a stray cat. Another drag, another tap against the ashtray. He continues on, trying to stave off the puffing and hissing, ]
I don't drink sake more than I need to, but black tea and green tea are both fine, and they pair nicely with chocolate. We can share some, then - which would you prefer?
That's nonsense. Everyone knows that both food and drink taste better when shared with someone.
[ whether it's a friend or a lover or something in between, the companionship that comes with a shared meal is far more filling and tasteful than even the most expensive cuts of meat or fluffiest of rice. for someone born and raised in solitude as little more than a weapon to be wielded by the emperor, saber knows both the taste of loneliness and togetherness equally well.
because they know loneliness all too well, they never want to have that dull taste in the back of their mouth again. but to address that directly would be too much, too forward for their timid, misshapen heart.
so they take a more roundabout approach, rolling over on their back, head hanging upside down on the edge of the bed like they're more of a casual college student and less of a familiar meant to be used for a war. ]
Green tea's always the best. That's the one that pairs best with rice, too! [ a pause. ] We should have rice for dinner, actually. That dish that you called... katsu...don? Katsudon?
[ He confirms, stepping back into the apartment and sliding the door shut behind him. The click of the lock follows, then the sharp sound of curtains being drawn, and finally he turns back to Saber. The room is as pristine as the rest of his apartment, done in monochrome colors with little in the way of personalization, and like the rest of his apartment one could mistake it for being meant for display rather than a place someone lives in.
He muses briefly on how tragic the existence of a servant might seem. But they're only as sad as the history and emotions they remain a slave to might be; humans are just as easily taken up and discarded, after all. But a human can become something, while a sword and shield can only ever exist as they are - tools that will be chipped and cracked, disposed of without ever caring much for the purpose they served.
He nods once. ]
It pairs nicely with green tea... I should move away from making Western dishes for a time, hm? Even the finest of them cannot compare to katsudon or curry, or even simpler dishes and desserts... I was told to try it with chocolate cake, but I've found that milk is a much better choice.
[ He's like a little kid... But he continues on without a care as he starts to walk out of the bedroom, gesturing for them to follow, ]
It's not until recently that I've shared meals with others, I'll admit. I'll have coffee and tea with friends and drinks with coworkers, but these days I often find myself missing meals altogether.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
:)
He's scrubbing his hair with a towel when he steps out of the door of his apartment onto the balcony, letting it fall to rest on his shoulders. It's a hard pill to swallow, but then he should be more sensitive to that fact. Hiyori didn't get to where he is without loss, not without sacrifice; it was his birthright, but that only meant that he had the advantage of being taught how to break noses and shove people's faces in the dirt, grind them down until nothing was left. Beautiful, intelligent, kind, loved, in love with the idea of love, always giving it up.
He can handle it better though, because he was raised to be stronger than everyone else, because he was taught to hold more love in his heart than anyone.
Such are his thoughts as he goes through the motions, breathing in the cool air. The rain doesn't seem likely to stop anytime soon. He takes the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, removes one, and brights it up to his lips before lighting it. Breathe in, breathe out, and as he exhales he sends smoke up into the air. All that, and then he finally speaks, ]
... Why don't you have a slice of cake? If you heat it up in the microwave, then put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on it, it's that much better.
[ He takes another drag. ]
I bought it, but I don't have much of an appetite today, and so...
[ Testing the water. ]
>:(
[ is what saber says the moment that hiyori offers, amber eyes narrowed at the smoking form in the platform. they’re sitting down on the floor of the bedroom in their usual seiza position that they rest in, and their expression is one of annoyance, which highlights what they feel… but not quite. they’re annoyed, sure, but there’s a deeper hurt underneath, like a reopened wound.
the talk of love is painful, bringing forth memories of the love that they gained and lost all too quickly. they think of the world and the people that ototachibanahime had taught them to love, and the gaping hole left when she threw herself into the waters. they could no longer hide behind the veneer of cold indifference upon enacting the atrocities in the name of emperor keiko, because she taught them the value of a life and the beauty of the world.
the weight of their victims and those who sacrificed themselves for them is heavy on their shoulders, but they promised to themselves to carry it without any complaint or reproach. saber promised to themselves to enjoy the world and to protect it… but also that they would never grow close to anyone again.
so for saber to be hurt like this, deep down… ]
I’m not someone who wavers so easily to food! I didn’t imagine that you would consider me that big of a fool.
:(
[ He lifts his shoulders and lets them drop back down. It doesn't have to be cake, but food is simpler than the world of screens and electronics. He doesn't keep many physical books on hand, and those he does are largely dense textbooks, nothing that a person outside the field would find comprehensible, much less enjoyable. Eating, drinking, smoking, watching, listening - those are simple pleasures.
It tastes worst, looks worse, sounds worse, but it gives the mind something else to focus on all the same. He takes another drag. He's not a smoker, really, not someone who does it out of habit, but it's a part of business and socialization as much as anything else. But every now and again he will on his own, just like now, just on a whim. ]
You think too much.
no subject
[ though they say this, there is no real weight or bite to their words. it’s saracasm, obviously, because— come on, hiyori, do you think that they don’t know themselves? if there is one thing that solitude during life has given the servant, it’s the opportunity for self-awareness.
they’re a monster, trying to work double as hard to repent for the countless sins that they committed through life. they’re a free person, refusing to merely be a sword to be wielded by whoever called himself their master. they refuse to be under anyone else’s thumb, including their very own master.
they pull themselves up to their feet, moving to hiyori’s bed where they lay down on their stomach with their head on their crossed arms, pointed towards the young man. ]
Do you have no sense of courtesy? Of course tea and sake are the way to go. [ they huff a breath through their nose, glancing to the side. ]
But I will not drink or eat alone. What is there to enjoy about that?
no subject
The sensations. You can enjoy the warmth of the tea in your hands and the way that it warms your belly, the smell of it, the flavor of it on your tongue; the fluffy texture of cake and the way it melts in your mouth, or whatever it might be. The sight of it, too - food is a pleasure for all five senses.
[ It's a serious answer for a rhetorical question, and no doubt an unwanted one, but he offers it up anyway. It's better with others, though, perhaps the most important tool that humans have for bonding. But these little tangents and unwanted responses are just who he is some days, and it's not long before he adds, ]
You ought to be more honest and say that you don't want to. You get lonely easily.
[ Like a stray cat. Another drag, another tap against the ashtray. He continues on, trying to stave off the puffing and hissing, ]
I don't drink sake more than I need to, but black tea and green tea are both fine, and they pair nicely with chocolate. We can share some, then - which would you prefer?
slides this in while you're not looking
[ whether it's a friend or a lover or something in between, the companionship that comes with a shared meal is far more filling and tasteful than even the most expensive cuts of meat or fluffiest of rice. for someone born and raised in solitude as little more than a weapon to be wielded by the emperor, saber knows both the taste of loneliness and togetherness equally well.
because they know loneliness all too well, they never want to have that dull taste in the back of their mouth again. but to address that directly would be too much, too forward for their timid, misshapen heart.
so they take a more roundabout approach, rolling over on their back, head hanging upside down on the edge of the bed like they're more of a casual college student and less of a familiar meant to be used for a war. ]
Green tea's always the best. That's the one that pairs best with rice, too! [ a pause. ] We should have rice for dinner, actually. That dish that you called... katsu...don? Katsudon?
perceives u!!!
[ He confirms, stepping back into the apartment and sliding the door shut behind him. The click of the lock follows, then the sharp sound of curtains being drawn, and finally he turns back to Saber. The room is as pristine as the rest of his apartment, done in monochrome colors with little in the way of personalization, and like the rest of his apartment one could mistake it for being meant for display rather than a place someone lives in.
He muses briefly on how tragic the existence of a servant might seem. But they're only as sad as the history and emotions they remain a slave to might be; humans are just as easily taken up and discarded, after all. But a human can become something, while a sword and shield can only ever exist as they are - tools that will be chipped and cracked, disposed of without ever caring much for the purpose they served.
He nods once. ]
It pairs nicely with green tea... I should move away from making Western dishes for a time, hm? Even the finest of them cannot compare to katsudon or curry, or even simpler dishes and desserts... I was told to try it with chocolate cake, but I've found that milk is a much better choice.
[ He's like a little kid... But he continues on without a care as he starts to walk out of the bedroom, gesturing for them to follow, ]
It's not until recently that I've shared meals with others, I'll admit. I'll have coffee and tea with friends and drinks with coworkers, but these days I often find myself missing meals altogether.